I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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