we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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