and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
