Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
