apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
