you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
