Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
