I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
