The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
