Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
