You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
