I puked a lego.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Randomize
