Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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