it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
