I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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