3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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