Michael Bay diarrhea
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Holy shit dude........stairs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
