No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
