everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
