i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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