I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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