I checked into jail on foursquare
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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