Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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