My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
