I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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