I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
