The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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