I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
