Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
