I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize