How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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