I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
