My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
