i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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