Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
