So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
