I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
