i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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