You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
