My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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