nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
