I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
