I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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