Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
