he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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