DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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