If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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