Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
