I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
