We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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