im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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