I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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