dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
