Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I pour the whiskey from now on
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
