census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Four minutes until I can fart!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
