Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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