I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
