Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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