Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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