do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
