I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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