he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
