i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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