We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
