Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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