We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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