When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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